First Week of School

Internet, did I tell you that I got a teaching job? State hired me back to teach three sections of comp classes. That is good.

The problem is that I really don't like the person I'm forced to become during the first few weeks of class. I am continually encouraged--by peers, other experienced lecturers, and professors--that I need to be tough in the first few weeks. Especially as a young woman, I cannot appear vulnerable or tolerant of bullshit in the least. Thus, this means I need to become a cold-hearted bitch. Example from yesterday:

I am setting up materials in front of the class. I have walked in, not made eye contact with anyone, and have not smiled. I can feel them all staring at me; the tension is ridiculously thick. Student walks in:

Student: "Is this room 4176?"

I make no movement or sign to the student that I even heard him; other students in the class will confirm the room number. I repeat over and over to myself in my head, "Look like you can't be bothered. Look like you can't be bothered."

The humor--or tragedy--in this is that this is totally not the person I am. I looooove my students. I would do anything for them. And I'm a really nice, helpful person. I like helping other people, making them feel at ease, pointing them in the direction they need to go. I just can't do this yet, because then they will realize that I am a 26-year-old softie, and they will throw things in class, and cut each others' hair in class, and I will start the day's lesson and it will be like I am not even there. I'd normally be of the opinion that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar... but man, I've seen it, and I am not walking down that road again.